A Week To Get Laid
by kyouko68
Summary: Usopp wants to tell Sanji how he really feel. Luffy comes up with an outragous plan. Really bad at summaries   SanUso mentions of ZoLu, Luffy OCCness


**A Week To Get Laid**

_Usopp POV:_

"_Dinner_!" I heard Sanji call from the kitchen. Luffy was the first to fling himself towards the kitchen only to catch a kick in the head from Sanji.

"Calm down you little parasite!" Sanji snarled.

"Sorrry…" Luffy said with his face still planted on the deck.

"After you my sweet hearts!" Sanji bowed as Nami and Robin walked into the kitchen.

"Thank you Cook-san." Robin said. I frowned. _Ugh! Why does he always have to do that! _I try to ignore his rants about how beautiful women are, but it still hurts. I"ve recently convinced myself that I've literally went head over heels for the love cook. I feel sad at how much attention he gives women. Sanji and I have a good friendship relationship. Were practically B., and we always look out for each other in any given situation.

After dinner, Sanji caught my attention before I could get away. "It's your turn to help me do dishes tonight, Usopp." He said. Doing the dishes wasn't one of my favorite things to do, but at least I'd get some quality time with Sanji. We'd have conversations about any new inventions Franky and I've whipped up. I told him how much help Franky is when it comes to my inventions.

"My experiments are less explodey now." I laughed.

"You sure spend a lot of time with Franky now, huh." He said.

"Well yeah. It's good to have an experienced hand around the ship."

"I can be good at stuff like that too." He pouted.

"Don't worry Sanji, your still my number one bestie." I said. He smiled. I loved how he would get jelous of me hanging out with Franky more than him. I know he's just joking and it's the type of jealousy that one friend would have for another, but it's still nice to know that he wants some of my attention.

I wasn't paying attention when I accidently spilled a cup of water onto the floor. "Oops! That was my fault, here let me-"

"Don't worry, I got it." He took off his shirt and wiped up the water. Whe he was done he stood up in front of me. Our faces were literally inches apart, our eyes locked. "I didn't like this shirt anyway. You gotta be more careful next time." He whispered.

I didn't pay attention to a word he said. I was drowning in the ocean blue color of his right eye.

"Uh…yeah." I breathed. I moved away from Sanji cowardly as I made my way towards the door.

"Well the dishes are done. I guess it's time for bed. Night Sanji!" I rambled until I was out the door. Oh god he's so…sexy! Why did I have to fall for Sanji! We're both guys! I thought I had a crush on Kaya, but this…this is different! I probably would have told him my feelings a long time ago, but he loves the ladies to much. But I'm suppose to be the great Captain Usopp!

I almost ran into the door fighting with my conscience. That night my dreams were filled with Sanji. He walks in my dreams now and I can do anything about it. He'd give _me_ all the attention instead of women. But there's no way in hell he'd actually do that. Right?

The next day I decided to work in my workshop alone. Franky was busy somewhere else so it was just me today. I'm starting to suspect him and Robin sneaking around as if I don't see that there into each other. Probably even more than that.

I didn't mind, I mean I was just organizing my new pellet star collection in case there's an up coming battle, you'll never know.

"Hey Usopp!" Luffy burst through the door loudly.

"Hey keep it down! This is delicate work!" I said.

"Oh, Sorry."

"Is there something you want?" I asked as he sat down next to me.

"Nothin' I was just bored. Hey Usopp, do you have a crush on anyone?" Luffy asked spontaneously. I almost dropped on of my stars.

"What! Why would you ask me something like that!" I snapped. Luffy dug in his ear with his pinky finger.

"Gossip I guess. I heard Nami and Robin talking about it so I guess we could talk about it to." He said.

"I don't know, do you?" I countered.

"I don't know, what's a crush?"

"It's when you secretly like someone very much. 'Like' as in: more than nakama like." I explained.

"Oh, I think I get what your saying. Like someone you'd want to have sex with, ne?" Luffy said casually. I cringed at his words.

"Yeah basically…" I said.

"Then I pick Zoro. I just love my swordsman. He's really loyal and always backs me up on my decisions. Not to mention that he's hotter than the fucking sun! Talk about eye candy! Raarh!" he growled like a cat.

"Wow, I've never heard you talk like this about Zoro." I said.

"Why not, it's true! How about you. Who do you like?" he asked.

"I guess I'd say Sanji then." I confessed.

"I knew it! I've seen the way you look at him! And I've seen the way he looks at you!" he pushed my shoulder playfully.

"What! No way!" I protested.

"Yes way! He really cares about you!" He said a bit more serious now. "Remember when you left us back in water 7? He was the most upset, besides me and Chopper."

"Yeah but…there's no way I could tell him how I feel. He'd kick me if he found out." I said.

"Ok lets make this interesting." He said out of no where. I looked at him in confusion. _What is he getting at?_ "Lets call it a dare, even though we're not playing Truth or Dare. I dare us both to make it all the way with the person we like by the end of this week."

"What are you crazy! That's impossible!" I panicked.

"Sorry Usopp, but 'impossible' is not in my vocabulary!" he said enthusiastically.

"No, you don't understand! This could ruin our friendship!" I tried.

"I fear for that too, but It's now or never! We don't live forever you know!"

"Ok fine! But if Sanji doesn't talk to me after this I'm blaming you!" I pouted.

"I'm ok with that." He said. I didn't how to respond to this. He was kind of right though. We all might die tomorrow so what the heck. "Who knows, you two might end up doing it in the kitchen! Yeah you should totally do that!" Luffy's suggestion made my face flush.

"What no! That's weird!" I said. "I was hoping that my first time will be on an actually bed."

"Well, there are no real beds on this ship besides the girls quarters and I doubt you'd want to do it in there unless you want a death wish. And the mens quarters only have mattresses that are twin sized and hanging like a hammock so the only way to do it in there is to stand up, so…"

"Ok I get it…"

"The rules are that you have to go _all_ the way with them. Oral sex doesn't count. It has to be full on hot dog and bagel situation." He said.

"Stop talking like that! It's embarrassing!" My face was completely red about now.

"I wonder if Zoro's good in bed." Luffy wondered out loud. "Oh yeah, we have to tell each other in sweet detail of everything that goes on. Leave no details un said."

"What is this sex n' tell?" We both laughed. "Let the games begin!" We shook on it.

On the first day of the week I started to spend as much time with Sanji as possible. I'd offer to help him make meals which he agreed with.

He stood behind me puppeting my arms to demonstrate how to mix the eggs. I felt my face heat as how was really close to me.

Cooking was fun with Sanji. We'd cook all sorts of things. I never really thought about what Sanji has to do to make all the delicious foods he always makes for us. We'd dance around the kitchen even though there wasn't any music playing. We'd dance like the tango or salsa. Sanji was really good at it. He'd show me few moves, though I have two left feet. He spun me around then held me close to my body. I blushed at the contact.

"I guess it's time to tell everyone that the food's ready." Sanji snapped me out of my dreamy state.

"Oh yeah right!" I laughed.

The day was shorter than expected when I met up with Luffy in my workshop.

"How'd it go with you and Sanji?" Luffy asked first.

"It went great actually! I didn't get to tell him my real feelings but I think I'm getting there." I said. "How about you, how'd it go with Zoro?"

He jumped up and down in response. "He said it's ok for me to take naps with him! I never realized how relaxing it is to do so." He said. "I don't know if Zoro gets it when I drop hints to him. He's really dumb when it comes to this kind of stuff."

"Well lets see how the rest of the week plays out." I said. I really did doubt that I could actually make it pass third base with Sanji by the end of the week, but it's always good to try I guess according to Luffy.

Though the week was going by quickly and it was now or never. Luffy and I decided that we'd confess on the third day of the week.

On that day I was least than eager to do what we agreed on. Sanji and I sat in the aquarium room sharing a glass of wine.(I actually drank apple juice.) I told Sanji that I wanted to talk to him in privet.

"What is it that you wanted to tell me, Usopp?" Sanji asked.

"I uh…" I didn't know where to begin. My heart was beating out of control and I mentally begged it to stop. I can't do it! I'm too nervous!

"I'm sorry Sanji, I think I here Franky calling. Excuse me." I quickly attenped to rush towards the door, but I didn't go far as Sanji grabbed my wrist.

"What ever it is, it can wait." Sanji raised my hand over my head and pinned me against the think wooden mast. His body move in closer to mine. I looked down to the floor self-consciously to focus on the blue tiles. Sanji lifted my chin to look at him. "Is there something you want to tell me Usopp-kun?" he said in a husky voice.

"I…I think I…" I stumbled over the words. But before I could say anything else Sanji pressed his lips against mine in a soft kiss. His head tilted slightly so my nose didn't stick him in the eye. My mind swirled as I gripped his shirt for balance.

We finally broke apart staring each other in the eyes.

"I thought you liked women?" I asked dreamily.

"I do, I go both ways. But I usually don't show it." He explained.

"How come?"

He didn't answer me right away. He took a seat on the couch and patted a place nest to me. He took out a cigarette, put it in his mouth and lit it. He took a long drag and exhaled.

"I don't know really. I guess I'm suppose to be a ladies man, which I kind of enjoy being. It's part of my personality, you know."

"Oh I understand." I said. He flirts with women because it's in his character. He did say that he was super chivalrous. I guess that's why he acts that way around pretty women.

I stared at Sanji as he smoked his cigarette. "Is it ok if I smoke? You aren't bothered by it are you?" he asked suddenly.

"Oh no! Not at all, I'm ok with it." I sputtered.

"Then you don't mind if I kiss you." He moved forward and pressed his lips onto mind. This kiss was deeper than the last. He pried my mouth open and let some smoke pour into it. I moaned deeply through the kiss. Sanji's tongue invaded my mouth freely exploring ever square inch of my territory. It felt weird but nice at the same time.

We finally broke apart for air. I smiled at him. He smiled too noticing how red my face was.

"Have you ever kissed anyone before?" he asked.

"No…you're my first."

* * *

><p><em>Later:<em>

"Oh my god, Usopp! You'll never guess what happened!" Luffy came bursting through the door of my workshop in excitement.

"Did you confess?"

"Yeah! It turns out that he likes me too! I never would have guessed!" he squealed.

"That's great!" I celebrated with him. "I confessed to Sanji and he like me too!" I squealed along with him. We were probably acting like a bunch of horny school girls but we didn't care at the time.

For the remainder of the week, Luffy and I kept our relationships a secret. Things have gone really well with Sanji and I. We would sneak kisses here and there when no one was looking. He'd make me midnight snacks when we'd rendezvous in the kitchen while everyone was sleeping.

There was a few times where we almost resorted to do it in the kitchen. But I think I made it clear that I wasn't ready. I for one was squeamish at the idea of sex in general. I didn't know if I was going to make it.

Then one morning on the day that I regretted to come. The day Luffy and I were suppose to do it with our new lovers. That morning we stopped by and island with a small town on it.

"A bed n' breakfast?" Luffy asked Nami.

"Yeah! I heard that this town has a famous bed n breakfast that I want to check out." The excited navigator said. "Its like a hotel/spa, and they serve your meals in bed. We'll only stay for one night because the log pose sets tomorrow morning."

"I don't know…" Luffy put his hand on his chin.

"Will we have our own rooms?" Zoro asked.

"Yeah sure." Nami said.

"I think we should go captain." Zoro turned to Luffy.

"Why?" Luffy asked his firstmate. Zoro whispered something in his ear that made Luffy's face turn cherry red. "Oh…I guess it's fine then…" Luffy agreed.

It was lunch time and Luffy caught me alone as everyone started towards the kitchen. "We're going to do it! We're going to do it tonight!" he whispered excitedly.

"You mean at the bed n breakfast place?"

"Yeah, tonight we have to seal the deal! No turning back!" we high fived in agreement.

This hotel place is actually bigger than I thought it was. It's hard to believe that it's actually not considered a hotel.

"I'm hungry, do they serve dinner here?" Luffy asked. It _was_ actually dinner time. Which is really close to bed time. I don't know if I could go through with this. MY nerves were on high ever since we entered this place.

Dinner flew by like a snap. Luffy ate like a vacuum leaving almost none for the rest of us. He got a kick in the head from Sanji as we waited for more food to come, so we could actually have a decent meal. Despite all that, dinner was over really quickly to me.

Everyone went up to there assigned rooms. Sanji appeared at my door later in the night with a bottle of champagne.

"Hey Usopp, going to bed soon?" he asked casually.

"Not really. I'm wide awake." That actually wasn't a lie. I couldn't sleep now even if I wanted to. I was too nervous. "What's with the bottle of champagne? How'd you even get that?" I asked as he walked in and set the bottle down on the table that was placed in here.

"It's complementary for each room, see you have one too." He pointed towards my night stand that had a basket with a bottle of champagne in it. _How did I not notice that before?_ I thought practically.

Sanji opened up a bottle and poured two glasses. "Oh, Sanji remember, I don't drink." I said.

"Come on, there always a first for everything." He teased. He handed me the glass and I excepted it. "Go ahead it wont bite."

I took a cautious sip. It burned going down but it kinda had the same affects as soda. After thre or four more drinks I began to get a bit dizzy. I liked the feeling and the effects it gave me. Sanji poured me another glass graciously, then I down it all in one go. I coughed a bit.

"Whoa, Usopp, take it easy. This is you first time drinking." Sanji warned.

"Don't worry~, I'm fiiiine~" My words were slurred and I hiccupped a few times. "More please!" I held out my glass.

"I think you've had enough. The whole bottle is empty." Sanji pointed out.

"Don't be silly Sanji, I swear to drunk I'm not god!" I didn't realize that I mixed up my words. I got up and made my way towards the other bottle on my night stand. "See theres another bottle over here! I tripped face first onto my bed. I began laughing. "Oops!"

"Usopp calm down," Sanji climbed onto the bed with me. I rolled onto my back as Sanji hovered over.

"Oh, I see what this is, are you trying to take advantage of me?" I laughed.

"Is it working?" he smiled as he leaned down and kissed me passionately. I wrapped my arms around his neck bringing him closer. His hands slid up my shirt. I jumped slightly.

"Sanji, your hands are cold." I whined. He didn't hesitated to pull my shirt off completely.

"Don't worry, they'll warm up eventually…" he said mischievously as he nipped and sucked at my neck. I moaned inwardly at his every touch.

This was probably the best night I've ever had so far.

* * *

><p><em>The next morning:<em>

I had a massive hangover, but at the same time I felt really good and happy. I don't know if that night could get better than what it was. I felt like Sanji and I were newlyweds, having breakfast together. But it was short lived when we had to head back to the ship. I tried my best not to limp the whole way. Sanji was all smiles also. He didn't even fight with Zoro who was also being nice to everyone, even Sanji. Luffy hitched a ride on Zoro's back. _Why didn't I think of that?_

"Man Usopp, life is so good." Luffy sighed as we talked in privet.

"How was your night?" I asked him. He looked at me with a giant grin placed on his face.

"I cant describe in words how good it was. Don't tell anyone but, we kind of broke the bed."

"Broke the bed? How?" I choked on the drink I was drinking.

"Well only a little bit. The head board only got a big crack in it. But man oh man, Zoro's got a tongue like a gecko. A swords not the only thing that he can hold in his mouth if you know what I mean." He teased. "Anyway, how is Sanji, is he all that you dreamed he would be?"

"Yes and more! I thought I was gonna die." We told each other everything that happen, but some of us didn't really recall much afterwards. I was too squeamish to talk about or hear the most embarrassing parts. Luffy on the other hand didnt hesitate to talk about the most vulgar of scenes.

I guess getting laid isn't that hard after all.

* * *

><p><strong>Was it bad? Please review, tell me what you think. =^_^<strong>


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